08/2010

The pump is broken -
poisoned.

It crept in and seeped through those hallowed passages to the core...it corrupted her. It's no use, calling maintenance - she already tried. In truth, the poison must have started there anyway. It's all in the attitudes, the habits, and neither of those are like suits that you can put on and take off easily. They both form and crystallize over time, and it's time it takes to alter them.

They wanted to dump chemicals into her, to make her better, but chemicals come in, wearing shiny hats and gadgets - impersonate their predecessors, kick them out, create dependencies...and she wants to depend only on herself.

So the pump is broken. She - the pump, the maintenance ... and the cure - is broken. For now. Just for now.

7/26/2010

Weight.
This poison is spreading,
through my chest,
my head...
Muscles contract,
seize,
tie themselves
into the heavy,
encumbered flow of my being,
and freeze -

This weight is taking over everything. I can feel it in my chest, my head, my neck ... I can feel it in the way the light strikes through my eyes and pinches at the nerves - needle-sharp. Everything is slow. I can't seem to drain this poison from my body, lift this dumbbell from my chest. So I'm suffocating...and splitting in two, all at once. One of these things alone would be enough to bring me tumbling down. It's overkill, but hey...so is the world.

You stand there, glorious,
like a Goddess of Destruction,
hair flowing around your porcelain face,
a moat of blood pooling at the shattered feet of your castle,
the gleam of victory in your shallow gaze
--and what have you won?

Metallic barriers rise and fall about you,
close about the corpses of those
unlucky souls
ill-fated enough to have had your favor for any short amount of time
--and I have to ask myself,
Are you really satisfied?

Are you content, in your solitude,
to have nothing to fear save the
(inevitable)
collapse of your own formidable defenses?

Once you said to me that you were glad to have loved,
to have felt as deeply as the darkest depths of the ocean,
to have felt
at all.
Once you said to me that you regretted nothing.

And now I behold you there,
beautiful and broken,
withdrawn from this world
--untouchable,

Unattainable--

and I have to wonder,
Was it really worth having loved at all?

Toxic _ 12.20.2009

Why

can you not 
see me?
I am standing,
here,
among your refuse...
clouded by your judgement--
drowning in the dark.
I am breathing you in--
you're toxic.
Waste.
Shame.
Fear.
Solitude.
Neglect.
A burden that
should not be 
mine.

How can I tell you
that I love you?
When all I want
and all I need
is to leave you
here
alone...
because you have captured my flow--
bottled my essence,
broken me
with your troubles.

So tell me
Why
can you not 
see me?
Shrinking
beneath your weight
and your disease,
after all this time...

Or has your sickness blinded you as well?

You are toxic.
And I need 
to be let go.