Black,
your face is hidden
in the shadow of a promise,
too strong to keep,
too feeble to survive the fall
from your whispering lips,
too eager to be free.
I feel your breath coming in gasps
and heaves
as I lay my head
against your chest.
It permeates my very being,
swallows me whole,
consumes...devours:
I will lay here forever,
if that is what you require
to be well again.

...

the original version of this was much longer, but i can't bring myself to post the rest. maybe one day, after some editing and revising, i'll put it up. also, for some reason i did not date this when I wrote it, but I'm guessing it was some time near the end of 2008.

Learning Curve

I'm sitting here, and I'm watching you slip slowly through my fingers as though every little piece of you were a tiny grain of sand, and I've been holding on too tightly. That old '80s song has been playing in my head:

"Just Hold On Loosely, but don't let go
If you cling to tightly,
you're gonna lose control"

Over and over. I think I'm learning something.

by the way,

i feel like i'm ready to dive now.

7/17/08

I have a feeling that this cliff is over a thousand feet high, and that impact with the water below would peel my flesh from my skeleton. So while those around me are diving down at leisure, I am here...hugging this rock of ambition and purposes greater than thrills and risks on a whim--hugging me. I'm not ready to dive and risk the possibility that, upon impact, my spirit would be stripped from my core and my core would be split in two and there would be no me to defend myself against the impending pleasures of the world...hovering just above the murky waters smelling of red clay and a good time.

Anathema 10/18/07

She stands there, dark hair glistening in the stark moonlight...and she's beautiful. She is always beautiful. She is real and honest in a world that grates against her like sandpaper and labels her an outcast. She is real and honest in the face of hypocrisy and powdered noses. She is Ana, with bobbed hair and a quirky smile that plays across her gentle face and tells me that in the face of everything that is false and ephemeral she will always be my everlasting Halley's Comet...my never-ending sunshine, northern star, ever-bold Anabelle, Ana, in the face of the world, my Anathema.

okay, so the following posts aren't "new"

per se, but they are some old entries i found in some journals i kept.

hope you enjoy,

l.